i decided i ought to stay up to date on the world of professional cuddling so i googled “professional cuddling” and narrowed my search to recent news articles. I was first impressed by simply the quantity of relevant articles that came up. then i was impressed by the seriousness of the articles. when i started professional snuggling, i felt as though people questioned what i was doing much more intensely. i felt scrutinized and ridiculed. it doesn’t look quite that way anymore. maybe its easier to have perspective when reading about other people (rather than myself) or maybe the attitude really has shifted and become more accepting.

i remember when i first met with my advisor and the chairperson at my graduate school program to discuss “professionalism” (it was really to inform me that i would not be welcome to attend classes the following week when the semester began because of my blossoming snuggling career). i remember as i began to realize what they were saying, my body felt tingly and i felt like i was in a tunnel and their voices were far away. at some point i began to cry and say things to them but the words i spoke sounded so childish and completely inadequate. i couldn’t possibly express how shunned and dejected i felt. there was a world i desperately wanted to be a part of and i couldn’t. i was “inappropriate”. snuggling was inappropriate.

it looks like things are changing. there are professional snugglers in 16 states (according to the wall street journal) and in many other countries. its becoming a very serious movement in Canada. its catching on and i hope it sticks. i hope it becomes something “appropriate” because people should have many resources available to meet basic needs and enrich their lives and professional cuddling does that for both the “snuggler” and “snuglee”. i remember for one of my early newspaper interviews the reporter asked me whether medicaid covered the cost of a cuddling session. the fact that a person who was competent enough to get a job at a major newspaper actually thought, even if only for a moment, that professional snuggling could be sanctioned in that way, brought me a ton of joy. i laughed and laughed.

it has not been easy. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve been asked what i do, answered simply as possible, and been asked “so you’re like a prostitute who doesn’t have sex?” i’ve stopped telling people what i do. for a few years, i ignored nearly all media requests. i’ve started feeling “normal” but i still have this strong desire to reconcile this one aspect of my professional life with my very real need to feel accepted. i say “this one aspect” because my professional life has evolved to include much more than just snuggling.

ultimately, i believe that i just need to be stronger in my convictions. when i say what i’m doing with more certainty, i am less likely to be questioned. when i turn the magnifying glass around, back onto the interrogater, or our culture, i empower myself and remove self-doubt. and as snuggling becomes more mainstream, i become more extrinsically validated.